shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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