so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
