Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
