ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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