May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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