It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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