In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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