Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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