So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
