just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
