Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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