i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it because I queefed?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
