I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
