I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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