I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
