Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Help me help you realize you are a moron
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
