Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
