best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
