i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
