My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Text me some of your sweat
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
