I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
