The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
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I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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