cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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