Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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