Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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