I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
