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Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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