Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
