I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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