My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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