Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
