You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
