We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize