dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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