summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
