Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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