i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
