So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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