My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
