As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
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In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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