We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
