There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
