how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
