We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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