butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
