He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
