you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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