Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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