Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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