youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
