I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
