You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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