I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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