The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
