At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
