Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
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I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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