My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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