There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
