i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
